Boyfriend conflict, let's hope he's not that stupid.

So I sit here tonight watching Futurama reruns at my current boyfriends house wondering where this is going, blaming my friend for hooking us up and second guessing every move I have and should make. At first I thought he was a great guy and didn't want anything serious seeing how he is being deployed to Iraq on the 5th of January but one thing led to another and soon I was going out of my mind trying to be everything he wanted. He warned me about him leaving, so I tried to stay distant. Then, like a magic spell he told our mutual friend that he wanted to be with me when he deploys! Over joyed I forgot my paranoia and quit worrying, everything was wonderful even through the recent struggles with my family and everything that has been going on. Then, last week things took a drastic change for the worst, it was a Friday night party for his room mate that began as a fun celebration ended with the both of us crying to each other (some-what drunk) and having a deep emotional talk. This conversation ended with him hugging me with tears in eyes saying he cared about me and not to worry if he died, that I should never be scared again as long as we are together also, that he has a bad habit of pushing people away before he leaves and doesn't want to do that with me. Not only was I extremely happy to hear these things but I also thought of it as a huge step forward. That is until two days later on Sunday. Last Sunday... distant, cold, indirect answers were all I could get from him. He didn't want to kiss me or look at me. This attitude stuck with him and soon after I brought up the one question that his whole family had been asking me. The answer to the question I thought I knew. The answer I needed to hear him say for peace of mind. So I asked...
"Do you want me to be with you after you leave?"
With a sly and some what cocky grin he replied:
"I think you would be more than happy to stay with me and I have no doubt that you'd be faithful. I think you act big and tough and hide behind your glasses (I always wear sunglasses almost no one ever sees my eyes) but deep down you want that white picket fence, a husband and two kids. But that's not the question, the question is should we try to stick it out and see what happens or go the smarter more logical route and go our separate ways after I leave? We have only been dating a few months. Personally, I always think the smarter choice is the better one but I'm not saying anything just yet... I'm just saying I like going with the smarter choice."
I could have slapped that cocky smile right off his face. I opened my mouth to ask him what his final answer was but some how I knew. The answer wasn't black and white but something about the way he moved and looked at me, about the way he said it gave it away. That coy smile, those big blue-green eyes grinning ever so arrogant. I knew exactly what he would have said. So slipping on my glasses I bit my tongue as not to cry and shook my head smiling a forced jaw-cramping smile. All I could say was
"I know your answer"
and wouldn't tell him what I already knew when he asked what I thought his answer was. He doesn't have to say how he feels, he doesn't need to explain a thing. He's scared, and he is doing what he said not too long ago that he did with his Ex. He acts like a prick to push me away so I will break up with him, and he's off the hook. Only one little problem... I like him way to much and won't leave someone. So other than today he has acted the same exact way: cold, distant, non-responsive. Only now I am the one pulling away, yes I will stay with him until he deploys and no I will not leave if he asks me to stay. But I also have a responsibility to protect myself and that's why I am pulling back. A hard retreat back to solitude that I think he has noticed. I am done with games, I will retreat back into myself and if he wants me he can fish me out. After all, he's the one who sent me back there to begin with. Lets just hope he realizes what he may lose before he breaks it off because once he breaks it off, I'm not going back.